Love stories...

Another "on topic" topic is in order.

Since this is also a love story, I would like to hear some stories about love. Any kind, returned, unrequited, even some horror stories.

I have a few I can share, but one in particular I want off my chest.

I'm not proud of this one, but it's a necessary story to tell for me. It feels a little like when Fiona couldn't go to the prom with Lia, but with much more dire consequences.

I was in love with a married woman once. She and I were friends as teenagers, but I never really thought of her as a love interest until a few years ago. She is married to a great guy who I'm friends with, but they argue like the proverbial married couple. One night, during a friends birthday get-together some ridiculous alcohol-fueled happenings occurred, including one of the most unusual games of Truth or Dare in my memory.

We were all hammered (there were only five of us) and it was late. Her husband and our other friend's wife were asleep. She and I started talking about random things, and the subject of sex came up. I asked her if she was attracted to me at any time since I knew her. She said yes. We made out for a while that night afterwards.

A few months later, same situation, same five people. Two left early, and she sent her husband on ridiculous errands so we could get cozy. Not long after I felt horrible, and told him what happened.

Even after that, we're still friends, so I can't complain. But a few months ago, his wife told me without a drop of alcohol in her system that she was in love with me.

Things haven't progressed from there, which is good in my mind. Even though I had feelings for her it was a constant battle with my Mary. Having the feelings is an okay thing, but not having anything you can do with it makes it suck all kinds of ways.

Once again, I feel bad about it and I have no intention of wrecking anyone's home. Now I want to hear some stories of love found, love lost, love unreturned, and love shared.

^Just... no words... wow.

Anyway, my rather cliche love-story...

We met a bit over a year and a half ago, and I was smitten at first sight, but much too shy to actually approach him. We had conversations of sorts now and again, and sparks probably flew from me, but they were few and far between. Then, one of my friends who knew him better was came up to me and said "Hey, (boy) likes (book series)! You two should totally get to know each other!" And said friend basically dragged me by the wrist to go talk to him. It was... awkward at first, but we got to talking. The next day... we got to more talking. We became friends really, really fast. But as we talked more, rumors flew, and soon, people assumed we were dating. This came up in conversation once, and he said those dreaded words...

"I don't date"

Now, this wasn't so bad, I thought. Maybe, if I didn't tell him, the feelings would just go away, right? Better to hide it than to risk our friendship, right? Well, as time went on, let's just say that I was wrong. Very, very wrong. Yeah, it was wonderful when I'd get to talk to him, but... there'd always be a bit of an ache when we had to go, you know? But as the months dragged by, we became closer and closer. Over and over again, we became so close that I knew I could tell him anything... except, in the words of Fiona, that.

After a while, though, in a fit of insecurity, I PM'd him on a forum we are both a part of, basically asking him if, "hypothetically", I had a secret I had kept from him that could destroy our friendship, would he forgive me? And he said "I stand by my friends, unless they don't want to stand by me." So I wrote a note, one fateful Sunday afternoon, and gave it to him the next Friday. He had to go soon after I gave it to him, but the next Tuesday, he told me how he felt...

The same

We've been dating for ~8 months ^^ Horray for happy endings!

Haven't had one like that for a loooong time.

Pretty much all my love stories end the way the beginning one does, with me losing. However, the happiest one is the one with my son.

His mother and I were madly in love for years, ever since she hit me in the head with and ice cube at a birthday party. We got together a long while after that, and were together for 4 years. We had some troubles and split up, but were still close. Our son was conceived during this time, and we made another attempt at it.

Didn't work.

We get along better now than we did when we were together, less arguing and more cooperation. We do our best for our little boy, which is the love I need most right now. The romantic will come when it's time.

As long as he loves his daddy, Daddy will be okay.

Well, guess I'll throw my own story up here, why not?

A little over two years ago I was talking with a friend of mine at work about an anime convention. And all of a sudden I hear someone ask me "Are you talking about Sakuracon?" (The name of the anime convention)I turn around and here's this beautiful girl with dark hair and bright green eyes looking at me. I answer that I am talking about that particular convention. She said she had wanted to go, but couldn't. She was a new employee at my job and I had never seen her before. I felt an instant attraction to her, it's not often I meet a girl who likes anime. I soon learned her name and talked with her a little about the convention.

I would learn later that she had a boyfriend. Even so, I couldn't shake my feelings for her. As I got to know her I found that we have a lot of the same intrests. I couldn't help but think here is this smart, funny, sweet, sassy and beautiful girl who likes the same stuff I do and she's taken. One day I watched her walk by and then it hit me like a bomb, I was in love with this girl. For the first time in my life I was in love.

About a year ago her boyfriend dumped her out of the blue. While I felt terrible for her I also saw my chance. Now came my biggest problem, I am shy beyond belief. After a few weeks I sucked it up and with a lot of prodding from my friends I took the plunge and asked her out. Unfortantly she turned me down. In truth, it was way to soon for me to try asking her out. I don't have much experince with girls, that combined with the fact I was afraid I'd miss my chance with her led me to make a really dumb mistake. Thankfully, she never seemed to hold it adginst me.

Over the last year I've done my best to try and show my affection for her. I haven't come out and told her how I feel about her, even though I really want to. Time and again my fear and shyness get in the way. I have spent a little time outside of work with her. the biggest being getting to hang out with her and a couple of her friends at Sakuracon last month.

I haven't given up on winning her heart, and I know there's a chance it won't work out. But I also know that I can't give up until I know for sure one way or another. While I've felt several highs and lows when it comes to her, I know she is more then worth it.

Hopefully, one of these days I'll get the courage to take that chance one more time, no matter the outcome. *sigh*

Good luck, shocklance. I have nearly the same story here, except that it's more complicated.

I had the worse timing ever with the girl I am in love with since... well, seven years now. She was also in love with someone else... who fell in love with her too, except that he had himself a girlfriend. When I entered the scene, I was just the unlucky guy, but at least I befriended her. They stopped viewing each other after a while, but she soon moved to another city and couldn't see here for a while. After a few months, I started a relationship with another girl. While I was with that girl, I found my other girl back, in love with some dick whose only quality seemed objectively to strongly look like the guy I lost to a few years ago.
After one year, my relationship stopped... badly. Right in the same time, her own relationship broke, and we could just share pain, sorrow and tears. My love for her came back to life little by little, but it was written that I should be the unlucky guy, because she came back after a few months to the dick she couldn't get rid of in her head, only to finish her relationship properly (at last) and one week later... the first guy came back in her life (after he dumped his own girlfriend), and now guess who are living happily together since two years ?



Ha. ha. ha. -__-

(and the guy is not even a jerk)

Be confident, guys! To be honest, I don't know that much about what attracts women to men, but confidence is definitely a factor. Being able to tell a girl how you feel about her, and that you want to be more than friends... most of us would rather you be open about your intentions than befriend us in hopes of a relationship later. Oftentimes the "jerk" wins because he openly pursues the girl, while the "nice guy" just sits around and it's obvious he likes the girl but he won't do anything about it.
I'm sure you two would make great boyfriends for somebody out there. You really can't lose much from taking the chance-- if she turns you down, you'll probably still be friends, and if you don't ask, then you'll still be her friend.
*will totally post her own story once she gets over the nervousness about it*

Ahh, what the hell. I haven't told the story to anyone in a long while. This is probably going to be depressing, depending on how much of it I decide to tell.

So the first time I met Jennifer, we didn't hit it off so well. She'd walked into my friend James' store and I made a smart remark about her being dressed like sporty spice, and she got pissed and told me to fuck off. This was in like, 1999, so the remark was relevant then.

We saw each other a couple more times at my friend's shop, and I found out that not only was she was going to the same tech school that I was, but she was living in the dorm/apartment building across from mine. After a week or so we'd gotten past the initial meeting and were neutral to each other. So one day as I'm heading out, she's standing across the street and calls out to me, asking if I'm going to James' shop again, and I tell her yes I am, and offer her a ride. On the way I stop through Burger King because I'm starving, and offer to buy her something since I'm not a jerk who's gonna watch someone go hungry. It was one of those afternoons when all of the teenagers are out and the fast food joint lines are hellaciously long, and it took us forty-five minutes to get through the line, so while we waited we struck up a conversation.

You know in stories when you read about two people just...clicking? It was like that. By the time we got past the drive-though we were chatting like we'd known each other for years, and the same went for the twenty-minute drive to James' place. After that, for the next few weeks, once every couple of days she'd come knock on my door and ask for a ride to James' or somewhere, and I'd oblige, since I was usually going myself, and while we were there we'd hang out and talk, and got to be really good friends. After a month of this, she knocked on my door one day and asked to use my internet for research on a paper. I let her in, and we hung out and talked while she was working on her paper. Pretty soon her coming over to hang out and watch TV or chat was a regular thing, and we were fast becoming close friends. We went out together, to eat, to see movies, to buy smokes, to hit golf balls out into the woods with a driver I'd bought at a pawn shop to bean burglars in the head with... whatever we felt like doing that day. We shared a lot of very personal stories, about her father's recent death, my problems with my family, her weird relationship with her mother... She hated her roomate, and after a while it became normal for her to come over almost every day to hang out, and most times I'd let her sleep on my bed and I'd take the couch in the common living room. (This wasn't quite so altruistic as it sounds, I love sleeping on couches for some weird reason, and my roommate didn't mind any of it.)

Then one Sunday I'm driving home from work at my weekend job, and it's pouring down rain in buckets. I'm talking the kind of rain and thunderstorm that feels like it's about to push your car off the side of the road, where you can almost feel the pressure of every loud, giant thunderbolt as it strikes down. As I pull into the parking lot, as usual the first thing I do is look and hope to see her car parked there. I light up as I see it, and as I'm nearing the building I can barely see some crazy person through the haze of the rain, standing outside flailing their arms around and yelling. As I get out of my car and decide to investigate just who this insane person is, I see that it's Jennifer, standing on the stoop of her building, screaming up at the sky, at God, "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT, PUSSY?! BRING IT ON! COME ON, MOTHERFUCKER IS THAT THE WORST YOU FUCKING GOT?!"

And standing there, drenched in the rain and cold, the realization suddenly dawns on me. "Holy shit. I am completely and totally in love with this woman."

The storm knocked the power out to half the city that night, and since neither the microwave nor oven worked, we went to a convenience store and bought some provisions to last out the night. I tried to light my zippo so we could see, but it wasn't enough, then her eyes lit up and she ran out of the apartment, returning a few minutes later with some candles she'd lifted from her bitch roommate's room. We lit those around the living room to see by, and spent the night eating Ritz crackers and Easy Cheeze and talking through the night, the whole time with me slowly coming to terms with my suddenly-newfound love for her. After a few hours, I finally found words for it, and told her how I felt. Albeit bluntly.

"Jennifer, I'm in love with you."

She just sat there, stunned. Nothing but silence for what seemed like a goddamned hour but was probably only a minute, then she finally raised her head, looked me in the eyes, and said, "When I was in high school there was a guy I was head over heels for. I tried to get together with him, but I got burned. Really, really bad. I'm talking fucking nuclear here. And I just can't do that again yet, I'm sorry." Then she got up and left.

I didn't see her again for two weeks. She came by and knocked on my door, asking to use my internet again. I let her in, we started hanging out, and talking, and after a couple hours everything was back to normal, like nothing had happened.

Nothing at all.

Fast forward through the next three months of Hell on Earth, as we get back into the old routine of her coming over every day, hanging out and usually staying over, going out together, etc, while I try my damndest to not think about that night, or my feelings for her, and attempt to keep her in my life as a friend if nothing else, and slowly realizing that that's not possible because when she's sitting there in my room and I'm pretending to watching TV, I'm really watching her, and every time we go out I'm pretending it's something else, and every time I see her I want to scream "I LOVE YOU, GOD DAMNIT!" at the top of my lungs, and as time goes on my mind is slowly, methodically, unraveling.

So one day we're at James' talking with his brother John about this place in Mississippi where the three of us used to live for a while, that was actually an almost-cool corner of Mississippi, right on the beach between New Orleans and Biloxi, and how we wished we'd been able to work harder and establish ourselves there instead of having to move back to Texas, and somehow when I wasn't paying attention the three of us, Jennifer, John and I, make this plan to move down there within the next few months, and all share an apartment to save money. While driving back home, she's all excited about it and yammering on, and it all finally falls into place in my head what's going on, and I tell her, "Well, I may not be able to do this after all."

"What? Why the hell not?" She asks.

"Because I just realized that I'd want it to be something that you wouldn't." She honestly looked shocked, and again asked me what the hell I was talking about.

"Because I'm in love with you damnit. I told you this three goddamn months ago."

To which she replied, "...I don't know what to say to that."

This time it was three weeks until I saw her again. She came, knocked on my door and asked if she could hang out.

I said "No.", closed the door, and locked it.

Yes, I am an asshole.

A few days later she came by and I let her in to collect her guitar, and all her other stuff that was in my bedroom. And I never saw her again after that.

...until a year later. I'd flunked out of the tech school and was working at a local automotive store while staying with my parents and saving up money to get an apartment. One day I get an E-mail that looks like a badly crafted spam about some psychic stuff, that says, "Prepare to receive an apology from an old friend soon..." Something looked odd about it, so I looked it over and when I saw the E-mail address it'd come from I recognized it as hers. I replied with one word... "Jennifer?"

The next day I get a long-winded, profusely apologetic E-mail from her about how in the past year, she'd moved to a half-dozen different places and held a dozen different jobs, and no matter what she did, nothing felt right, that something seemed to be missing, and that one day she's just sitting there and it hits her like a ton of bricks, it's me that's missing. That finally, she realized that she was in love with me too, it just took her a year to come to terms with it. That she'd written out this long letter to mail to me telling me how she felt, and then cried when she realized that she didn't know where to send it, and carried it around with her for a month, until she was looking through some old notebooks and found where she'd written down my e-mail address for some reason. She said she wanted to move back to Texas to be near me, and wanted to make plans to come see me in two weeks on Thanksgiving when she'd be down visiting family, and that she really, truly loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.

I spent the next two weeks on cloud nine, and on Thanksgiving Day I skipped both family gatherings to go meet her. She gave me the letter she'd written, then we went to my parents' house to talk and catch up. We spent half the day together, some times being awkward, and others we were clicking along like old times. I told her about my job, and friends, and the apartment I was looking at, and she told me about all the places she'd been in the past year. At the end of the day, she had to leave to catch her ride back home, so we said our goodbyes, then I told her I loved her, she told me she loved me, and I kissed her goodbye. I have never in my life reproduced anything as euphorically joyous as that moment. The she got in her car and drove away.

And I never saw her again.

Three weeks later I get another E-mail. Saying that her plans had fallen through, and she wouldn't be able to move back to Texas after all, and she had a lot of things to figure out, and that of course it wasn't me, it was her.

The night I got that e-mail I was so depressed that I parked my car on the tracks with the nine o'clock bearing down on me. No bullshit. And to this day I still don't know what made me put the car into gear at the last minute. It wasn't fear, and it wasn't any newfound hope, or zeal for life. I felt numb. I honestly couldn't give you and answer if you asked me.

For the next few years I dated women, but never for long. It never worked out. They weren't her. None of them measured up. Jennifer was perfect. She was everything I'd ever wanted in a woman, and some of those things I didn't even know I wanted until I met her. Then she left. And no one's been good enough since.

I still have her letter, and about once every year or so I take it out and read it again. Read her telling me how much she missed me, and loves me, and I start to wonder where she is, and what she's doing. Sometimes when I come home from work I imagine seeing her car parked in my driveway, and she's standing there, smiling at me, as if to say she's back, and everything is great again.

But that's not going to happen, I know this. I do have a grip on reality. Not that it helps.

I hope you only have that one story. I can relate, somewhat, but it was nowhere near like that. No one deserves to have fate take their love away.

I will now tell you all my tawdry tale of love misconnected with the world's worst lesbian.

I will refer to her as Kes, on the off chance she ever reads these forums.

I met her in the fall of 2004 at college. We were both part of the anime club. Our first meeting involved a rolling chair and gravity. She busted her ass so hard that day...we all laughed, but I helped her up. While doing so, I said, "Looks like you're going to need a seatbelt." At the next meeting, she came up to me, pushed me into a chair, sat on my lap and put my arm around her waist.

Awesome.

From then on, it was a normal thing to see her sitting on my lap. For the better part of a year, if we were in the same room and I was seated, she was seated on me. Made me feel like a real winner.

This was in spite of an earlier happening. We all went to a costume dance at school (which was essentially 8 of us and about 3 more people) so we went to Applebee's instead. Kes and I were still fairly new friends, and I had developed a little crush on her. Being a few years older than she, I did feel a little out of sorts. However, I made small talk and such to bring out my personal charm. Conversation turned to a restaurant she and her friends went to in NYC where all the waiters were drag queens.

To which I commented, "If I didn't know better, I'd swear I was talking to a couple lesbians."

To which Kes's friend commented, "She is, I'm not."

To which my heart commented, "What the hell?"

But it apparently changed nothing. She still made frequent use of my lap. However, I didn't let myself enjoy it like I wanted to, because I didn't want to disrespect her decision by trying to force the issue in any manner.

Wanna know how to give a black guy a heart attack? Send a white girl's father into the kitchen where his daughter is sitting on the aforementioned black guy's lap. He said nothing, got a glass of milk, and left the room. When my heart started beating again what seemed like 4 days later, we laughed about it. Her parents were so happy she was getting close with a guy it didn't matter.

If I hadn't been so dumb about it, I probably could have prevented one of the things that happened later.

I refer to the moment when it all went horribly, horribly wrong as "Zathura", because that's the movie we went to see the night it all fell apart. In the recent past, we had been to some interesting movies like Chicken Little and Superman Returns, in which we both made colossal amounts of jokes. The theater we frequented had the armrests that moved out of the way, so there was never an armrest between us. Her head on my shoulder, my arm around her, and the warm glow of visual stimulation made each of these encounters blissful. Every movie that summer had a trailer for Zathura, and I told her I would kidnap her for that movie, to which she would say, "Oh, no! Someone save me!" or some such nonsense. When the day finally came we went into the theater and things were a little different than normal.

During the previews, we were holding hands, which never happened before. My arm usually made it around her by the middle of the movie, but this time she wanted me to hold her from the opening credits. Her head and face were closer to mine than normal as well.

Of course, being a man, NONE of this dawned on me as a signal to something greater. Didn't realize any of it until after the movie.

Afterwards I walked her to her car like always, and I hugged her like always. Then she asked the question that began the end:

"Was this supposed to be a date?"

Thousands of answers ran through my head, some positive, some negative. My dumb ass chose the most noncommittal one possible:

"I would like it to be, but I don't want to step on anyone's toes."

If I had said yes or no, the events that followed wouldn't have happened and we'd be okay today:

After Kes acknowledged she wanted it to be a date too, she looked up at me. In the moonlight she was so pretty. She looked so innocent and angelic, so I felt it was the right time to act on my feelings.

I kissed her.

And she ignored me for 2 months after that. we started talking again around New Years', after I read a Livejournal blog that broke my heart. She was testing the waters at that time to see if she wanted to try being straight. She wanted me to make the transition easier, and she wanted me to be her first boyfriend in 4 years at that time. When I kissed her, I killed the mood for her and her feelings went out the window.

Over the next year things slowly got better. We weren't as close as before, and she no longer sat on my lap. But we'd hang out and watch TV together, and we even went to the movies together again. I was even her escort to a friend's wedding reception as well, which I wish had gone differently. There seemed to be no reigniting our flame, though I slow danced with her that night and swore she wanted to tell me she loved me. From the look on her face, she didn't want that night to end either. But that is the last happy memory I have with her.

In the fall of 2006 my son was born. I sent her a picture of the newborn child, and she chewed me out for not telling her. I was telling everyone I knew I was gonna be a daddy, and I thought I had told her as well. Apparently my absent mind got the better of me. She and I haven't spoken but once since then. It was a short conversation.

I miss her, and I still love her. She's currently in England for a college course, and I miss her every day. I'm even half tempted to try and contact her, but the other half extinguishes that desire. A mutual friend keeps me posted on her status, but she expresses no desire to talk to me. So I leave it where it is until such time as I can change things.

My favorite almost relationship and my least favorite loss.

Wow, those are some rough sounding stories, sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted.

I've kind of got an update to my story. (See above) After A LOT of thinking I decided to take a chance and tell Brandy (That's her name BTW, just realized I hadn't written it before) how I felt. I was going to do it face to face, but the right time never seemed to present itself at work. Plus I didn't want to risk getting the office rumor mill going, she dosen't like that.

So I decided to send her a message through MYSPACE. Though I'm a little ashamed to admit it, it took some of the edge off of my nervousness. (Though I was still very nervous to do it) It took me roughly three days to write it, I probally over anylzed every word I wrote, but I wanted to make sure I got it right. I sent it just a couple of hours ago, so I've commited to seeing this through to the end.

According to the delivery status of the sent folder she's read it, but so far no reply. I did ask her to at least take a little time to think it through. Right now it's rather nerve racking. I'm trying to remain in a state of mind that a friend I should have in these kind of situations. In his words, "Expect the worst, but hope for the best." That's kind of where I'm at right now, I'm fully expecting her to turn me down, truthfully, I've heard from more then one person that she likes asian guys and I'm most assuradily not asian. But there's this small glimer of hope that I'm wrong, that she'll be willing to give a chance.

When I know for sure what's going to happen I'll post it. Till then wish me luck, I'm going to try and keep from bouncing off the walls.

*sigh* Well, she wrote me back. It was very brief, which was even more of a let down after I wrote such a long message. Word for word it read. "No offenese, but I'm not into you like that."

Guess I knew this was coming, I saw the signs, but chose to ingore them. Instead I let myself cling to false hope.

I'm so tired of being alone. But I don't know what to do anymore. No girl I have ever asked out has wanted to go out with me. Guess there must be something wrong with me...

Awww... That sucks! Shocklance, it's probably not that there's something wrong with you. People can be so complicated, it's impossible to guess why someone isn't into you in the way you wish they were. <3 I hope you don't beat yourself up too much.

I've never had what could be called a successful relationship... in fact, some have gone really wrong... and I HAVE had the experience of pouring my heart out in a letter only to get some form of "yeah, no..." in return. It's hell. All I can say is, at least it's over now, you got an answer, and the next thing to do is start trying to move on. Which is also hell. But it's less scary-hell and more sadness-hell. :/ I wish you all the best.

Thanks TJ, I appriciate it. Didn't mean to get all EMO in my last post. I was just really torn up at the time, still am but not quite as much. I have a tendancy to take things like this really hard.

You're right about the whole sadness-hell thing as well. Had a bit of an akward moment today when I went into work this afternoon. Brandy wasn't working but she was there with her mom and two other older people. I know her mom and I just kind of nodded and was going to go into the back but Jakie (Brandy's mom) waved me over. Jakie insisted in introducing me to the other two people who were her cousins visiting from Australia. (Jakie is from England BTW) She made a bit of a big deal of it. See I'm pretty convinced I'm mom's choice to be her little girl's man. She's not the only one either. A close friend of Jakie has told me a couple of times she thinks I'd be good for Brandy.

To bad she dosen't agree. At least she still seems willing to be my friend. She willingly talked to me when she was at work Tuesday, though she never mentioned my confession.

There are times when I feel I shouldn't say how I feel. I know now that's not healthy. Holding feelings in puts stress on a person, but sometimes it's best to wait for the right time to express one's feelings.

I hurt regularly over a girl I care very deeply for, but her circumstances make it very impossible for anything to come of it. She knows I care, but she has NO IDEA how much. It's impossible to know when things will change, but it is possible to bear the weight until the proper time.

Love is a many-splendered thing, as the Bard put it. It's wonderful to be in love. Moreso when your love is returned. However, love can be the most painful emotion on Earth when it's not given back. Stand tall and believe in yourself, knowing love will one day come to you.

That's what I tell myself while I discuss the feelings I have for a young lady I feel deeply for as I write this. I hope my suffering can help end that of a fellow lover in this life.

@ FanOfFiona: What happened with the lesbian you liked is a lot more common than you think. I've heard a lot of cases where a very lonely lesbian had 1) no female prospective love interests, 2) at least one guy that really liked her, and 3) possibly also social pressure to become straight. She thinks that maybe she's really bi or maybe she can become straight if she tries to or that gender's not really all that important and she can make an exception... and then she actually gets involved with the guy and finds out that just because she wants to be attracted to a man doesn't mean she actually can. That is absolutely not fair for the guy involved (even if it's not fair for the girl, either) and my sympathies are with you. But it's probably not your fault that things didn't work out, at least.
Do you like someone now? I really hope it works out better for you this time.

@ shocklance: I'm sorry it didn't work out with you and Brandy. I'm getting the impression from your posts that you're pretty shy in real life, so maybe she didn't know that you cared about her as much as you did. If you only got to talk to her and hang out with her once in a while in groups, she probably just didn't think about you very often. I'm not saying you should try to become close friends with girls you like in order to date them (friendship is lovely and rewarding, but that tactic's a little underhanded, and most girls don't want to date someone they've gotten used to as a friend) but you'd probably have better luck if you were a little more brave. Even if you think of her all the time and plan out what you're going to name your kids, if she just knows you as that guy from that convention that she talked to once with her friends, then there won't be enough there for her to consider wanting more.
So talk to girls! Talk to girls about anime. (There are way more otaku-ettes out there than you think-- just go to a large bookstore with a manga setting or an anime hobby store, and you'll probably see several there, looking at the merch. Or if your school has an anime club, join it! If it doesn't, think about taking the Haruhi route and starting your own club.) Talk to girls about other mutual interests. The more girls you talk to (be polite, of course) the more likely you are to find one that's interested in you, too.
And look on the bright side: you can try to salvage a friendship with Brandy. And it's okay to be an anime fanatic with bad girl luck-- after all, everybody loves Otacon.

To answer your question, Mrs. Abject, the reason I began this topic is because I have many different loves and losses to share. It's rather therapeutic to talk about them, and it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

There is someone I like, but I can't be with her for reasons out of my control. My only comfort is that she likes me too. It sucks. A lot. But can you really complain in this situation?

Most of my love stories end poorly. However, love in my opinion is still the best feeling in existence.

One day I will have someone for me. I have no doubts in my mind that I will, but I don't know who or where or when, and that can be a little nerve-racking. Ignoring this helps some, but it's no cure.

Whenever I've liked someone, I have felt the need to "carry the weight" of it alone. When there is attraction, but there is no way at the time for any spark to become flame, I bear the weight soley on myself. It's not healthy, but it makes me feel like I'm doing something noble. I know I could be doing so much more with my self than that, but it is a way to feel I'm being big about the circumstances and take the pressure off the lady in question.

My love story...ah. I still am horribly paranoid on whether I had been overreacting too much while I was a closer friend with him.

Well, this starts with an overseas trip to Olomouc and Vienna; my school choir was going there for a competition. Before that, I had hardly noticed him at all, and simply labeled him as "one of the basses". I wasn't even sure he knew who I was until he waved in school at me one day.

But, I digress.

As all school trips are, I shared a room with my friend, and all the boys are put on one level, while the girls are put on another. Unfortunately (or fortunately), me and my friend, and other pair of girls were put on the guys level. It wasn't too bad for me really, since I figured we could get to know the guys better this way, and it was actually quite fun. He shared a room with two other guys, in the room across ours. We both had the rooms close to the lifts, so we could just open the doors (which my roommate liked doing a lot) and talk to each other across the hallway). So we started being friends, and I didn't realize I liked him until one night.

That night, we (a group of girls, about 20 or so) were gathered in a room and gossiping about this girl in the sopranos that we all didn't like. (Yes, choir girls are very bitchy and love gossip P: ) Shit happened when a girl called a guy's room (his room) to ask them if they wanted to come and join the gossip session too, and didn't hang up the phone properly. So, the guys heard everything we were talking about, and we didn't realize it until a lot later. Two girls were sent down to "solve" the situation, and we got worried when they didn't come back, and went down to see what had happened. The first thing I saw when I went down, was him on the couch outside the lift, looking upset. That's when I started worrying about whether he was okay, and realized "Oshit, I'm in love with this guy." Apparently, he used to like the girl we were gossiping about, so they didn't want him to hear them talking shit about her, because he might still have feelings for her.

We grew rather close during that trip.

So when we returned, I managed to get his email and handphone number. I really really liked this guy, and it was the first time I was actually friends with my crush and had the chance to know him. I texted him first after choir practice, teasing him about the dance the committee (he was in it) was putting up for the farewell party for the seniors. That was when we started texting each other everyday; and he started the "goodnight" text trend (when he would go "go to sleep early", "study hard" and all that), and sometimes, even asked me why I didn't text him "good morning" the next day. I guess I can't really be blamed for thinking he liked me, especially with all this signs. And, when I merely texted him to ask him what elective he was going to choose for a school thing, he told me to just choose one and tell him so we could go for the same one. One of my friend told me to confess to him, and the others were getting the feeling that he liked me as well.

But I never told him, because, deep down, I was afraid he would reject me, and we wouldn't be friends anymore. I really really treasured this friendship, and didn't want to see it end because of one stupid move.

Then, shit happened.

I don't know when, or how, but I know that he was friends with this girl he knew since primary school, who lived next to him, whom he took the bus with to school every morning. I thought they were just that, but then, there were rumors that they were a couple suddenly surfaced.

Then, one morning, when I was walking in to school, I saw them in front of me. Holding hands. And it hurt. It hurt me really really bad, and all I could do was to smile and wave at them when they turned and saw me. I felt cheated, I felt heartbroken like I never had before. I spent that day like a zombie, and then cried it out at home. It's funny, but when I saw them holding hands, something seemed to snap in my heart and tell me "it's not worth it". My best friend was pretty shocked when I joked to another guy about him being a couple with that girl right in front of him, because she knew I liked him a lot. And seeing that look on someone's face who is really concerned for you, hurt me even more, because I didn't want her to worry for me.

I don't know if I still love him, because it kinda hurts. We still are friends, we still do those little spats we have, but we're not as close as we were before. I don't know if I really loathe him, but I hate him for giving me so much hope and breaking my heart like that.

And if it wasn't enough, there was something which riled me up more. I don't really think I have feelings for him anymore other than us being friends. A few of us (choir members) were going to see the Distant Worlds: Final Fantasy concert and he asked me if I wanted to go for lunch before that and I was all "Alright, I'll ask my section's juniors" because he was pretty close with them too. However, he couldn't make it. Fine by me.

Then, he asked me if I wanted to eat after that. Me. And him. For a moment, I just stared at the text message, confused, and angry that he was doing this when he had a girlfriend. I said no, I had to rush off for tuition. And the next day, he sees me in school and asks me why I blew him off for tuition. I know we're friends, but I...just. I don't know what to think, I don't know if I had been reading too much into it. I just know it still hurts not because I still have feelings for him, but because I had feelings for him, and he really really hurt me. And I don't think he should have done that when he had a girlfriend, and was aware that I clearly knew so.

Even now, I'm confused.

It does feel better to tell the whole story and get it off my chest though.

Everyone's got their stories of love. Good, bad and ugly alike, they all need to be told. Zanarkand's tale is an example of the kind of thing that causes people to fall apart. Now that she had a place to deposit this painful memory, hopefully she feels better and can deal with it more.

This is also a great place to look for comfort, advice, and varying points of view. Mrs. Abject gave me another stand with my story about Kes that I never would have realized. It wasn't solicited, she volunteered knowledge she had that I didn't have.

I don't dare try to solve anyone's problems, but people who have dealt with the same feelings can help each other. My experiences may help someone else avoid heartbreak. If we have a mind to share, we may help someone who comes to this place find peace in their predicament.

I don't even know where to begin...

I'd had a few girlfriends in college. None in High School (all-boys catholic). Then I met Lori. Yes, the name is changed. No, I don't think she'd read this. It's just... too personal, I guess.

Actually, I'd known her sice she was about 17, and I was 19. I was in the SCA, and she was dating someone else from the group. She broke up with him, but stayed in the group. It was another 2 years, two girlfriends of mine, and several haircuts (she was in beauty school) before we moved in together.

She'd gotten an apartment with her best friend in high school, and I'd been renting a small house with a constantly changing cast of roomates. Most of the time I was there alone.

We were the best of friends, we could talk about anything. We had the same background, even though we were from different parts of the country. We bitched about each others love lives, found the same things funny, loved the same music. We had always clicked.

On her 19th birthday, her parents cut her off, and her friend left her to move in with a guy. I came over to be with her, brought my TV (her roomate took theirs), and never left. We did not have sex, that didn't happen at first. I knew I had loved her for quite a while, since the last girlfriend had left, and I was thinking that I needed to find someone I could talk with the way I talked with Lori. She soon told me she had felt the same. We were very much in love.

Four years later; several student apartments; I finished my master's; and we got married. I proposed with purple roses while she was at work - the old ladies in the salon loved it.

It was wonderful. I taught for a year, and decided to go back for a doctorate in order to continue teacing at the university level. Back to student apartments... and during the 6 years it took to get the doctorate, we had two children, two wonderful girls.

It was soon afer the second one was born that some unusual things happened. Lori made some new friends, including a married student couple that lived in the same building. The Mrs. had a sister who was a lesbian, and we all hung out together. Lori and I had been involved with theatre all our lives, and many gay people were a regular part of our lives.

I'm sure you see where this is heading. Lori tried to hide it from me (pretty successfully, too, I had to defend my thesis). I still loved her, but I understood. She had discovered who she was really meant to be, much (I imagine) as Fiona did. It just took her longer to come to that realization.

We made some decisions, some accomodations. We'd stay together for the children, neither of us could bear to be apart from them. There would be no sex, of course, but we were (and are) the best of friends.

We celebrated our 23rd anniversary last May. the older girl's in college, and the younger one has another year of high school. Lori's had a succession of lovers, and has also become partially disabled over the years. The most recent girl (she's about 10 years younger than we are) has moved in with us in something of a caretaker position, helping Lori with daily routines while I teach.

I think the stress is getting to me finally, after 16 years. I read the first 400 or so episodes of Yu+me in one night when I found it. I finished the next day. I was crying so hard. And for the next few days. Still am, right now.

Lori hasn't noticed, but my girls have. Seeing someone find love, a feeling I've not seen for so long, just pushed me over the edge. First, some couseling, though. I've got to find a way to deal with the feelings I've been burying for so long. Then I've got to figure out some way to go on with my life.

Mrs. Abject, the comments you made to FanOfFiona were right on the money. Lori had moved in with her high school friend all those years ago because she'd been attracted to her. Her friend admitted, years after moving out, that the feelings were reciprocated, and that it had scared the hell out of her. If things had been a little different between them, they'd have been a great couple. And two of my dearest friends. And I may have eventually found someone, instead of spending about half my life (so far) with someone who can never love me the way I love her.

We mourn for the past that we have not yet lived - Kierkegaard (I think)

It makes me so sad and angry whenever I see that happening. Our society looking down on gay people so much hurts everybody. It isn't fair that a lot of lesbians and gay men feel like their actual attractions aren't good enough, and they need to try to be straight. It isn't fair that the straight people who end up dating them get a partner who can't give them an honest relationship. Of course it matters that homophobia/heteronormativity harms gay and bisexual people, but it's not just a gay issue and I'm sick of seeing some heterosexuals act like it doesn't affect them at all, because it does. If people feel freer to act on their real orientation, then heterosexuals can be more confident that their partner really does want to be in a man/lady type relationship. Same with gender identity, pretty much.

Getting off my soapbox, carl-E, I think you should ask yourself what you'd want your kids to do in this situation. Would you want a son of yours to think the right thing to do is to give up his dream of finding Ms. Right because he already had a family with someone who, through no fault of his own, could never be attracted to him? Would you want a daughter of yours to stay with a gay man when all she wanted was to find a guy who could love her for who she is? Plenty of people make sacrifices for their children that they in no way ever would want their children to imitate, but if we have a good relationship with our parents, they're one of the most important role models we've got in forming our morals. I wouldn't call your marriage loveless-- you do seem to care about each other a lot as friends-- but what you've got is philia, not eros. And if you wouldn't want your children to stay in a relationship that had lots of philia but no eros, then it's wrong to do the same thing on their behalf.

I was a little confused about your relationship. Are you and your wife in a polyamorous relationship where you and her are partners but aren't physical? Or are you pretty much married to a platonic friend who has a lover? Because I don't see how either of those relationships prevent you dating other women, too. I think everyone is more complete once they find a compatible partner, and I can tell you'd be a lot happier if you had a girlfriend. If it's a poly situation, there are women who would be okay with that (although many of them would be poly themselves). If it's a married-to-a-platonic-friend situation, a lot of women would understand why you're doing what you're doing. You're a dedicated father, and that's a good thing, and most straight women think it's wonderful to see a guy they like acting all fatherly.

Last of all, plenty of people can be not a couple and stay a parenting unit. The writer Neil Gaiman and his ex-wife are divorced, and chose to live next door to each other so they could still parent together and be constant presences in their children's lives. Neil is currently dating the singer Amanda Palmer, and based on what they say about it on the internet, they are nauseatingly happy together. And he and his former wife Mary? Are really really good friends, and much happier being really really good friends than in a relationship with each other.

There are other options out there besides abandoning the idea of finding love. If your wife didn't have to do that, then you shouldn't, either. Best of luck, and I'm glad that you were able to better know what you want out of life after reading YU+ME. [Insert some corny joke about how your name looks like WALL-E, and that your EVE is out there. )

Mrs. Abject,

I'm going to have to rent WALL-E sometime. I don't get to a lot of movies. Don't get around much at all, really!

It's not polyamory, at least not as I understand the word. My wife has had a sequence of four lovers over the last 16 years, each one a troubled relationship that ended before another began. The current relationship's a lot more stable than the prior ones, but it can get pretty stormy. I think I'm getting tired of the drama, too, but that's a different issue. I keep on watching her rehash the issues we settled in the first years of marriage, and I just don't always get it.

It's really more of a platonic marriage. I just never really thought about finding a lover of my own, and I'm not sure I could with a clear conscience. I think that getting involved with another woman would suck too much time and energy from my family, and I just couldn't do that to my kids. Besides, I really don't want to bring another person into this, it's been weird enough bringing my wife's lovers into the family.

But my girls aren't kids anymore, and they know the score. In the last year or so, I've started feeling more freedom than I have in a long time.

I've not given up. The new job has given me hope. It's in a town far enough away that it's cheaper for me to rent an apartment for during the week than it is to drive back and forth. So, I'm only home on the weekends and over the summer. But I've started to live a life of my own a little during the week. No love interests or anything, I still wear the ring - it's going to have to be cut off, I put it on 40 pounds ago.

But there's definitely a distance growing, as well. I see an amicable divorce not too far down the road, much as you describe. It was just easier all this time to keep the status quo. Laziness knows no bounds, and I've always believed that humans can get used to damn near anything.

Maybe my story will have a better second act!

P.S. this is the first time I've told this to anyone. I was serious about finding some counseling/therapy, but GOD it's been good to just be able to frame the situation in words. And in front of an audience, no less!

Thank you, all of you who read this. And especially those of you who can supress the instinct to say to yourself, "what a loser, I'd never do that". Because that probably would have been my first reaction... Love takes some really weird turns sometimes, and you never know where the trip will take you!

Since I started this thread, there have been a lot of unhappy stories here. No one likes unhappy stories, it's just nice to know yours isn't the only one.

This one is bittersweet and doesn't end in heartbreak.

My earlier story about Kes doesn't end with her. Not long after writing that particular post, I began talking with an old coworker quite steadily. When we worked together, we'd take breaks together and just shoot the breeze. It was comforting, since I hated that job with every ounce of strength I had. She was lovely, sweet, and kind. Also attractive and oddly sexy. Not that she's odd, but the sexiness comes through in a very unusual way.

I first noticed her in my first week. I worked in a supermarket in the produce section. She worked in the bakery, which at the time was right next to produce. The first thing I noticed when I saw her: she looked like an older version of Kes. Kes is now about 24, and she's sitting around 27. Let's call her Mose for now.

At first, I was afraid to even look at Mose for fear of dredging up old feelings and hurting myself more. But an overwhelming penchant for chocolate dispelled all fear. From time to time, the bakery would have free samples for anyone who happened to be around, and one day there were brownies. I LOVE brownies. So throughout my shift, I kept popping in to take a small piece and run.

She caught me.

Mose told me those are supposed to be for the customers, but she was glad I liked them. I politely thanked her, but I was still afraid to really have a conversation with her.

I was on break one evening, eating in the breakroom, and Mose walked in. She sat at the same table as me, but on the other end. I said nothing, because she looked like she was into whatever was happening on her phone. When she finished with it, she looked up and gave me a weak smile. Never would have guessed why that smile in my wildest dreams.

Over the months, we started taking breaks together because I got over my fear that she'd be like Kes. Even though she looked, sounded, and acted like a more mature Kes, I felt it could be different since she was a different person with different experiences. This was true, but the more similarities I found, the smaller my heart's greatest wound became.

I fully received my closure about six months after leaving the supermarket. I got a job working at a cell phone kiosk in the local mall, and Mose would come visit me. Months earlier I said to myself that I'd be able to move on with my life from missing Kes if she said two words: Awesome Sauce. Kes always said that to stuff she liked. The day Mose said it she was giving reasons for why she came to see me at my job: "I have to be around you, you're like, awesome sauce."

I was stuck.

All over again came the feelings for Kes, but they weren't for her anymore. I was totally taken with Mose, and I felt as long as she didn't know about it, I was fine.

Remember that weak smile from before? Mose told me recently what it was for.

You see, Mose was in a terrible relationship at the time. Her boyfriend (who I think isn't that bad as a person, but is unbelievably shitty to her) was going through some issues and taking it out on her. Coming to work and seeing me was a fresh change for her. She enjoyed talking to me, but her main goal was to get me. She apparently was imagining what I'd be like as a lover from the day she caught me taking brownies. The weak smile was given because she felt a little guilty about it, but she wanted me.

Her terrible boyfriend isn't an issue now, but she and I still have some figuring out to do as far as how to go about the relationship end of things. We're not together, but very much into each other. When we can get all our life stuff straight, I think love will be a word used most frequently between us.

There isn't really a happy ending to this yet, not because it's not happy, but because it isn't over.

I feel good for the first time in a long time.

UPDATE AND CLARIFICATION

Mose and I have yet to sort all the life stuff out. Because of important things like our work schedules and our children (my one and her two) it has been extremely tough to even talk to each other, let alone see each other.

Though we have given the relationship end a rest, we still talk fairly regularly. I adore her, and she adores me, but it's an exercise in futility when we try to sort out all the mess and spend time together.

It was mutual, but none the less hard.

Fan, I wish you all the best. You're right, you both have a lot of figuring out to do, but if you do it together, in a supportive way, it can only help.

It's good to see a continuing story! Just remember, in some ways you're both "rebounding", so be careful. And if it doesn't work out, at least you know that love can happen again, just like it's happening now!

Let us know how it goes, when you get a chance - I like happy stories, too!

I've moved it here since it's really general discussion.
I'm getting ready to post my story too

There are so many stories in here, and part of me love reading them but another part of me is just reminded of the few times I felt something for someone only to have it turn out they were secretly dating someone. Despite my love for this comic I have a rather large dislike for secret dating, especially when it is pointless. But that was high school drama, and given enough time people change, for better or worse.

I met my girl online. I hate telling people that. There is usually a little bit of stigma attached to the idea of meeting via a dating website (was gaydargirls). She wasn’t the first love of my life, and honestly before I got to know her I was pretty sure we were on the road to friend-town.

I was getting ready to log off when I noticed a new message, though sure, why not, and opened it. The message “Hey, what’s up?” told me she was a girl of few words, but not much else, So I opened her profile and glanced over her interests (thankfully skipped her bio) and noticed we liked the same sort of movies. And thus I decided to respond.

We chatted for a bit, turns out she was in the army, and her friend had written her bio so I shouldn’t be scared (A quick look almost made me re-evaluate talking to her. Never let a drunken army boy write you online dating bio.) We decided it might be worth meeting, and exchanged numbers.

An hour before we were meant to meet up she called me a little panicked and said “Look I’m just telling you this now, my face looks like shit,” I started to wonder if her profile picture was a lie, but then “I was juggling my bayonet and one of them hit me in the face.” After I stopped laughing at her I assured it would be fine, and that we should still meet up that night.

I was super nervous, she was the first girl I had gone on an official date with, and very few people knew of my orientation. I had hesitated agreeing to see her because a part of me was worried I was just curious, and I knew it would be unfair to give someone expectations when I couldn’t follow through. There is nothing quite so crippling as self-doubt. Truth was though I just never felt too thrilled by men outside of friendship.

Anyway, first date. We met, she looked horrible, and we hit it off. She knew I was a smooth charmer when drunkenly I walked into a glass door thinking it was open. To her credit she didn’t laugh too loudly. Just quietly forgot that I told her that “any drink was fine, just not Carlton” and got me a Carlton draught. We found a quiet corner, kissed a little, and went home. She texted me when I was halfway home, asking if I wanted to go over to hers for movies the next night.

I told my parents two weeks later (“you mean girlfriend or girl who is a friend?”) and then spent a month with her at her hometown with her family, who all like me. My parents love her, her family likes me, and even though she got posted to a new town we see each other every weekend, and hopefully one day can live together.

I’m always smiling when I think about her, and she excites me still two years later as much as she did back then. I’m not so foolish as to think nothing can ever change the way I feel, but I don’t see a point in doubting what we have until a situation arises to change things, and even then I will assess it when and if it happens. So far she is the one person I have been able to spend more than a week with and not get sick of. We’ve been to Cairns, Brisbane, and Sydney together, and each little holiday only reaffirms me feelings for her. Not to say we haven’t had our fights here and there, but we always stop and talk it out before things get too rough. I guess both of us aren’t ready to lose each other yet.

I’m sorry this was so long, but being long distance makes me think about the times we have spent together, and how special they are, and even if one day she decided to leave me, or me her, those times together will still be special to me.

I was hoping that there would be a lot more happy endings in here, but I suppose that all that has been said in here so far is proof that there Is someone out there that understands how you're feeling. That, all on its own, makes the pain worth it.

As for my story, it's pretty bland and not nearly as tragic as it could have been, but I'll tell it none the less. I've had very few relationships (3, actually) and my first was with a friend that I had meet at school and become quickly infatuated with. She was bold, expressive, and beautiful. Because of her family and how the relationship would make them feel we kept it a secret. It tore me apart because I've never been the kind of person to hide how I feel about someone. I'm shy, but if I care for someone Everyone is going to know.

As time went by it got harder and harder for me to lie to people and to hide what was going on. We started to drift apart and I ended up breaking it off for my own selfish reasons. We were still friends after that and I was still greatly attracted to her, and from the way she would act around me my other friends (who by this point had figured out what had been going on) said that they thought she was still attracted to me as well.

Around the same time, maybe a bit before or after I can't recall, I meet a girl on the internet. We talked constantly and we quickly became friends. For years we talked about everything, shared everything. There were no secrets between us. We were there for each other through everything even though the whole of the US seperated us. For years we were like two peas in a pod, always chatting it up on IM, Skype, or texting. One can't be close to someone like that without all your other friends knowing about them and asking how they're doing like they know them too. I introduced several of my friends to her, my ex being one of them.

Last year, around this time, actually, she told me that she was with my ex. I tried to play it off like it didn't bother me but I was absolutly devistated. I was having a hard time during that period trying to get over my most recent ex who had broken my heart like I never meant anything to him, maybe I didn't. I felt more betrayed than I think I normally would have because of that.

I ended up flying out to visit her during my Christmas break even though I was still hurt over the whole situation. As soon as I saw her, the real her, not just some picture, and hugged her I knew that I was in love with her. I always knew that there was something there and we'd always had at least one person asking us if we were together, but now I Really knew and that made the feeling of betrayal even worse.

I tried my best to have fun while I was there and ended up having a blast. When I got back home, though, I was exhausted with the whole situation. I started talking to her less and she noticed. She started trying to talk to me less. Eventually there was just this big hole between us. Every little thing would end in an argument and she thought that it was because I was still in love with my ex. I didn't tell her the truth because I knew it wouldn't change anything.

After a couple months I broke off contact with her completely. I haven't talked to her or my ex since then. By this point in time I'm not as hurt as I was but I'm still rather upset with the situation. Through this I still hope that they found happiness together. One can only maintain anger for so long, you know?

I just keep hoping that one day someone will stumble into my life and it'll be like magic. The past won't matter, the future won't matter- all that will happen is Then. A girl can dream.